The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest – Elergy

I won, I won, I won the terrible poetry contest this week. If you missed it check out all the entries here.


i got you out when it
was darker than the darkest
night, when the silence
wasn’t golden, it was burnt
like toast forgotten in the
toaster, when all stared at me
not perplexed, kind of,
mean, if you know what I mean,
mean like Mexican bean beans.

it was you that brought
sunlight to my life, that made me
feel accepted and perhaps
even like liked
it was you who made others
smile, not that kind of smile
when they are placating you,
but that kind of smile when they
think what you said was actually
a little bit funny

where are you now, where could
you be hiding … in a suitcase perhaps
perhaps, then it was the best
of times, but now it is the worst
of times, for you, I miss you oh
sense of humor who stood by me when
I couldn’t think of what to say but,
now you are gone, gone as in absent, perhaps
forever, forever, ever

Ok, the first person to guess and post in the comment what this is an elergy to will feature in the next terrible poem (I can almost hear the envy)

PS – Thanks to Chuck Dickens for the quote

© Deb Whittam 2019

The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest


Twittering Tales #136

Photo by NRD at Unsplash

Marcus knew what had happened the moment he entered the kitchen, the open fridge door was a dead giveaway.

For a moment he silently fumed and then he yelled out loud enough to wake the neighbours, “Puss, where are you, you lousy milk thief.”

The cat, as always, declined to respond.

(280 characters)

© Deb Whittam 2019


Twittering Tales #136

50 Word Thursday #19


Doreen paused in the doorway of the room, overwhelmed by what she saw.  When she had applied for the position she had imagined majesty, orderliness and a sense of awe but this blew that notion to smithereens.

For a moment she hesitated but as she sensed a presence in the room she turned, bowing low to the ground, as she recognized the other.

“What do you call yourself?”  The fawn said at last and Doreen almost fainted, such a sweet voice it had!

“Doreen,” She replied, “It’s an honor to meet you.”

The fawn considered her for a moment, “If you could catalogue everything that would be fabulous.  Now that we have been announced the rightful rulers of earth we must decide what to do with your waste products.  Is it true that you work so you can have this trash?”

Doreen blinked, “I would be more than pleased to accept some of this trash as payment, your honor.”

The fawn blinked, “Take what you want, I’m going outside to graze.”

As the other departed Doreen smiled broadly, perhaps this hadn’t been her worst decision; she thought as she peered into the glass bookcase, how old was that Bible exactly?

© Deb Whittam 2019

50 Word Thursday #19

The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest – Superheroes


The sky is dark,
Ominously dark,
So dark that it could almost be night
But it isn’t.

The atmosphere is hostile
Crisply hostile
So hostile that the citizens hide indoors to be safe
They aren’t

Our villain
Handsomely evil
Oozes along the sidewalk seeking vengeance
Malignantly angry

Our hero
Vibrantly purposefully
Steps forth to meet his foe
Heroically brave

They clash
Wham, bam, POW
A kaleidoscope of color and action as they wrestle for dominance

© Deb Whittam 2019

The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

50 Word Thursday #18

Elmer Gantry was drunk.

Elmer Gantry was drunk … but not in the typical sense of the word and that was what the world didn’t comprehend.

His work had dismissed him for arriving at work inebriated even though the blood test had come back an unquestionable zero.

His wife had walked out on him, taking their eight year old daughter and lodging a divorce citing irreconcilable differences.

Even his mother suggested AA, as if that would solve all his problems and she had even been there when he was diagnosed.

No Elmer Gantry wasn’t drunk … he was just severely allergic to glass bottles.

© Deb Whittam 2019

50 Word Thursday #18